just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's shark week go big or go home
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
