I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
