my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
