you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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