thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
