My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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