I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
