I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You are the jesus of drinking
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
