remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
