Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
