She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
