this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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