I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
