Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
