This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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