I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
