they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
