I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
