I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize