we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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