If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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