I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Even my vagina gasped.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
