Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
