Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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