As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
