I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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