this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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