Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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