I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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