Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
