You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
