I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
