my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
