Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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