Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I smell like Dick and happiness
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize