We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
