i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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