The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
