so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
