and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
