Your tits are I can't wait for
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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