was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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