if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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