your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
