OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize