my vag is so smooth its legendary
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
