The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
