I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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