Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
