I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
