but the lizard people decide everything anyway
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
