My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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