Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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