All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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