no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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