Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.

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(518): View more from New York

In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.

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(631): View more from New York

Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.

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(914): View more from New York

He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.

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(312): View more from Illinois

Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog

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(815): View more from Illinois

I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.

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(713): View more from Texas

I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.

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(520): View more from Arizona

You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.

(520): View more from Arizona

Seriously, come on.

(520): View more from Arizona

I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.

(520): View more from Arizona

I hate you.

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