saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
