Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
