My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize