a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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