3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
