there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You may now shotgun with the bride
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
