I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
