PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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