it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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