Is it because I queefed?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
