You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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