Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
