Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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