Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
