guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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