Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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