I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
