Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
