At least make sure they are 18
Why
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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