What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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