My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
