I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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