how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
