took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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