I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
