i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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