The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
