Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
