dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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