Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
