Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
