Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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