I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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