it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We have started to decorate penises.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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