ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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