I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Your dad touched me again.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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