You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
