Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
