Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
