I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
