i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
