there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
