walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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