12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
