their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
