i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
