I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dear god my vagina.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize