hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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