Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
