I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
